do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
