clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
