I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
