Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
please don't ironically join a cult
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