Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
