At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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