My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
