the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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