Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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