I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
