last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
