I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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