If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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