I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
