Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
