I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
