watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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