Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
