he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
