you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
