Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
