I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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