That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
