True but thats because hes a fetus.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
