i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This is the high leading the old right now
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
