I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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