Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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