i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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