my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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