I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
