FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
