i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
