Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
either way he was missing a nipple.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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