he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
