New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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