I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
