nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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