it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
