today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My feet surprised me
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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