Yo dont text me then not text me
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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