I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
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Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
