I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
They took my balls.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
