I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
