It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
