I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize