somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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