chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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