You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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