we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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