we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
