About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
