you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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