Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
