hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Randomize
