Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
