the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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