I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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