Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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