Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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