No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
