she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize