It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
