I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize